MoistCr1TiKaL Faces His Toughest Hitman Enemy: A Slow Woman

You can plan the perfect assassination, you can have all the gadgets in the world, but none of it prepares you for the single most powerful entity in the Hitman universe: a woman who's taking her sweet time at the front of the line. She's not a target, she's not a guard, she's just an immovable object of pure, unadulterated inconvenience. Agent 47, the master of stealth and infiltration, is brought to his knees by the digital equivalent of someone counting out exact change for their groceries. My entire mission hinged on getting through this one checkpoint, and this NPC created a human traffic jam that would make LA rush hour look like a pleasant country drive. The rest of the AI just stands there, perfectly content to wait for an eternity while my mission objectives slowly rot. It's a spectacular failure of game design that's honestly more entertaining than the mission itself. You can see my patience, a resource more valuable than any lockpick, dissolving into a fine mist. This is the kind of bizarre, unscripted moment that makes you, as penguinz0, wonder if the AI just decided to go on strike. There's a genuine feeling of helplessness as I exhaust every option. Can I nudge her? Throw a coin? Does Hitman have a 'politely clear your throat' button? The game offers no solution for this brand of passive aggression. The guards are completely oblivious, staring off into the distance, unconcerned that the world's greatest assassin is being thwarted by basic queue etiquette. This single NPC encounter is funnier than half the game's actual scripted jokes and a perfect example of how games can break in the most mundane, hilarious ways.